The Time of Your Life

Well, dudes (and lady dudes), it's ALMOST a wrap.

I have taken my last final exam ever. I have completed my last papers and homework assignments. In fact, as I write these words, I'm chilling in my room taking a break from packing up stuff to take home, knowing that I'll never move back onto this campus. It's weird. I figured I'd be a total wreck, but I'm not. I'm just kind of content, and I'm sure come August when I'm not coming back to school it'll hit me like a ton of bricks. But for now, I'm good.

I've been thinking a lot, as one tends to do so close to graduation (two days away, in case you didn't know). 

I've been going over grand memories of my college days. There were so many good times. I was a weird kid when I came here and I'm a weird kid as a graduate, but I'm a different weird kid than I was in 2010. It's weird how the past four years have flown by, yet freshman year seems like a really long time ago. I barely recognize the person I was when I came to Bethel, only partly due to the fact that I have since discovered cosmetics. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted when I got here. HA! That's a good one. Now that I'm graduating, I barely have a clue what I want; but I do know it's very different from what I wanted then. I was scared; that's why I started off as an English Ed major who wanted to get married right after graduation. I quickly realized I wasn't a teacher and that I would be doing my students a great disservice if all I really wanted to do was be a writer. As for the marriage thing, well, eventually I realized that was contingent on a lot of other things, the first of which was actually having a significant other. So...there's that.

I've also been thinking a lot about how I'll be remembered as a Bethel Pilot. Will it be as the girl with purple hair? As Mrs. Van Daan of "The Diary of Anne Frank", or, less admirably, as Mrs. Potiphar in "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat"? The loud chick? The Acorn girl? The cow enthusiast? The English major nobody knew was an English major ("WHAT? She WASN'T a theatre major?!")? These are all good things, and I'm cool with people remembering me for those reasons. But I hope some will remember me as someone who had a big heart (although maybe not literally, because that's a pretty serious defect and I'm fairly certain I don't have that). I hope they will say they saw Jesus in me, because that's what I was going for. I hope I'll be called a good friend. I don't know how much of this I succeeded in, but these are my hopes.

Now everyone asks me things like, "What's next?" or, even better, "What's your plan?" Honestly, I'm starting to wish I'd decided to go to grad school just so people would stop looking at me like I've done something wrong when I tell them I'm not going. Why am I not going? You know, seventeen years of school feels  like enough for me. Maybe someday I will, but it's not now. I'm reassured by the fact that Anne Lamott dropped out of college at nineteen so she could be a writer. Maybe I can do it, too. In any case, the questions have given me a chance to work on improv skills. A few of my favorites are, "I'm gonna pray a lot," "Maybe I'll be that person in the gorilla suit who jumps around outside Joe's Gold," and "I might get into experimental drug testing." I feel a little like a failure for having no real plan. I want to be a writer, which means I need a day job in the meantime. There's this Death Cab for Cutie Song that says, "Every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time." Right? Is it okay to be uncertain, since the future itself is nothing if not uncertain? 

Anyway. If I'd been thinking ahead and had blogged last week as well, I would have done two blog posts about this with different lists. Instead, it's all in one because time constraints demand it to be that way. So there is *GASP!* a BONUS list of 10 things to top off my last blog post as a college student! And seriously, a huge thanks goes out to those of you who have read this dutifully since I established it and have struggled to keep up with it, to those of you who've prodded me about when a new post would come out and who have graciously accepted my impatient responses of "IDONTHAVETIMERIGHTNOW!" It has meant the world to me to have people who care enough to enthusiastically read my blog.

Yes, Andrea. That's you.

Now here we go.

10 Things I've Learned in 4 Years

1. Be who you are... As a high-schooler, I just wanted to fit in. I tried every which way to get the popular kids to notice me, but no amount of change would make them accept me. Then I showed up to Bethel and I didn't know what to be except myself, and people loved it. Many of them became my friends and came to love the ridiculous, loud, colorful, crazy person that I am; but best of all, they helped me figure out how to accept myself for all those quirks. I often wonder how my high school experience would have differed if I'd unabashedly been myself, but I'm just glad that's who I am now.
2. ...but know when to rein it in. Because I did occasionally scare some people with my craziness. Maybe "always" isn't an appropriate time to be obnoxious, and maybe "anyone" isn't the right person to make stupid jokes around. Context is a big deal! It's necessary to have both a neon and a pastel version of oneself, and to know when to wear which.
3. All I know is, I don't know anything. I had it all planned out. I knew it all. Now? I'm crazy happy that I never have to do math again, except for those times "every day" when we use it. Right. I think college has taught me that even when you think you know something, it might surprise you. Certainty isn't quite a thing, for the most part. And that's okay, because someone knows.
4. Relationships are weird. PDA, dude. I've seen things nobody should ever have to see. Seriously, though, I thought I'd be one of those girls who gets married right after graduation. As previously mentioned, that isn't happening. And I'm totally okay with that, because I realized I'm just now starting to really know who I am. How can I be with someone else if I don't know myself? That isn't fair to anyone, and it would make for a total train wreck. 
5. Sleep is overrated... You're never going to remember those nights you got enough sleep. Get out there and make memories with the people you have for these four years.
6. ...but naps are where it's at. Remember how when you were a kid you hated taking naps? NO MORE! Naps are a gift from God. Whatever countries implement a standard siesta time--they're doing it right. I'm just saying. 
7. Procrastination should not be a thing. But it was definitely a thing in my last four years, and I'm graduating with honors. So honestly, just get the work done. I wish this weren't true, but I got some of my best work done at 2:00 A.M. the night before an assignment was due. Try to work ahead but don't hate yourself forever if that ends up never happening.
8. "Life is short. Buy the books." An older woman told me this at the Festival of Faith and Writing and I accept this as truth. Or at least as justification for buying the amount of books I buy.
9. Reality > virtual reality. Facebook is nice, but if you "live there," people tend to treat you like someone who has a terminal illness. "Oh, your posts are so...funny...!" (This was my whole freshman year, by the way.) And I love Netflix as much as anybody, but I only faintly remember the nights I had an all-night movie marathon by myself. I remember all the nights I got behind on TV shows because I chose to hang out with real, flesh-and-blood people.
10. Prepare to be surprised at your best friends. Sure, there were those with whom I just clicked instantly and it was all cheery happy friendship from there. But the majority of my friends are people who, upon first meeting, I didn't care for and wanted to intentionally not befriend. (And, teehee, most of them felt the same way about me!) I think that's when God starts laughing and decides that yeah, you're going to be friends with that enemy. I'm so thankful for these people. They're some of my favorites and I'm so glad we could get over our distaste for one another and start being friends.

10 Greatest Memories of Bethel College (probably inaccurate, certainly incomplete, in no particular order)

1. "The Diary of Anne Frank." It was the hardest show I've ever been a part of and one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, but not a day has gone by since we struck this show that I haven't thought about it with fond memories. I remember the sleepless nights, super intense four-hour rehearsals, the constant struggle to figure out who my character really was, and of course the question of, "When will I actually get this homework done?" But mostly I remember the closeness of the cast, the time spent "living" in the Annex, and the performances we gave. We truly poured our hearts and souls into this show, and I'll always be grateful for it.
   
   The Van Daan clan: Robert (Mr. Van Daan), me (Mrs. Van Daan), and Wesley (Peter Van Daan). They were the best.
   
   
   ^a more accurate representation of the cast.
   
2. Choir Tour 2013. See my previous post about this tour, but it was just wonderful. Seeing different states, staying in host homes (which I'm sad I won't be doing anymore, because it was kind of cool to see where you'd end up every night), singing in different churches, and of course spending hours at a time on a bus...what could be better? Perhaps choir tour in Puerto Rico...teehee. (FOUR DAYS. THAT'S ALL THAT STANDS BETWEEN US NOW!!!)
3. Concert Choir. I know this isn't really a specific event, but some of my best times were had as a member of Bethel choirs. The concert choir is one of the biggest reasons I came to Bethel, actually, and every time I got to sing with my choir family I was reaffirmed in my decision. Bob and Marilynn have truly become my second parents. And who knew a person could have soooooo many brothers and sisters? I'm going to miss this part of college so much, maybe most of all.
   
   ^a more accurate representation of the choir, 2014.
   
4. Festival of Faith and Writing 2014. I totally meant to blog about this, but I was crazy busy before, during, and after this festival and I never got a chance to sit down and do it. Seriously, though, this was wonderful. It was a festival full of nerds just like me who wanted to be writers, or at least who had a deep love of writing. We got to go to sessions every day and hear from authors, illustrators, screenwriters, and the like. Plus, the English majors don't do a ton of stuff together. This was a wonderful opportunity to have some good ol' nerdy fun. Also, I took a crapton of notes. The advice I got from all these authors was priceless, and I'm so glad I got peer-pressured into going.
   
   ^the seniors' "vanfie" (selfie in the van)
   
   
   the group!
   
5. Family Guy nights. So once upon a time I met this kid named Kolee and we realized we both had an affinity for the always crude, always awesome Family Guy. We decided we should make a regular night to get together and watch it, so we started getting together on Sunday nights to marathon-watch episodes of Family Guy. I figured this would happen for a while and then die out, but it never did. Two years later (okay, two school years...but still) we are seven seasons into Family Guy (though it's mostly re-watching) and we only missed a few Sundays, not counting breaks. People underestimate the extent to which a TV show can form bonds. I'm just saying. I'm going to miss those Sunday nights.
6. Acorn. I used to think working in food service was a level to which I didn't want to stoop. Then I realized I was uber poor and needed money, and it seemed like the students who worked at the Acorn hated their jobs less than everyone else, so I started working there. Let me just tell you I was dead wrong. First of all, never go thinking you're "above" a line of work (unless it's dealing drugs or something, because yeah, you probably shouldn't do that). It's just not true. I loved working at the Acorn. I rarely had a bad shift, and when I did it was usually because of something non-Acorn-related. I had the best boss and all the best student managers, who quickly became friends. I met and befriended people I never would have met if not for making their sandwich every day. And it just occurred to me as I worked there how full of life the place was, and how much happens there. I still want to write "ACORN: the musical" and I hope you will all forgive me that it hasn't happened yet. But I feel like now I have even more fodder for it, so maybe it's ultimately a good thing. I work my last shift in three hours, and it's gonna be rough saying goodbye to that place.
7. Having purple hair. This might seem like a stupid one to make the list, but I don't even care. It's amazing what I learned from this experience. All I thought would happen was that my hair would be purple, but actually it was a great social experiment. You realize a lot about people based on how they react to oddly colored hair. It's not necessarily the tried & true friends you have to worry about, because they're stuck with you no matter what they think (and, also, will probably just tell you what they think). It's the acquaintances you learn about. If they like it, they freak out and go, "It's sooooooo awesome!" and/or "You wear it well." If they don't, it's something more along the lines of pursing the lips and, "So...what prompted you to do this?" I mean, it's purple hair. I didn't expect people to like it and wasn't offended if they didn't. But it was interesting to see how people reacted when they couldn't quite hide how they really felt. Also, I just loved the purple. It was loud and obvious like me, and it meant I was colorful even when I was wearing all black. Plus it was the end(-ish) of a very long, very grey winter. The world needed some color, and I was glad it could be me. Long live the purple.
   
   photo credit Alyssa Lang, aka "the puppy."
   
8. New friends, new music. A real friend introduces you to a song and/or band you wouldn't otherwise have heard of. Maybe that new jam will be forgettable, but maybe it'll change your life. Maybe that person will introduce you to the song that becomes the soundtrack to your life. Also, I realized how many of my friends and I really bonded when we had that conversation of, "You know that song, too?!" Music is a very personal thing, and it's great when you can share it with friends.
9. Strikes.  I thought I would hate having to tear down sets and put away costumes and props after the end of a play (I mean, they weren't any fun in high school), but these somehow became one of my favorite things. It became a pleasant way to put a show to rest. The camaraderie among cast and crew was always stellar, especially if we had to move a lot of big pieces in cold weather. ALL THAT ADRENALINE!!! And then we'd go out to IHOP, because we'd earned it. And I may or may not have this obsession with CinnaStack pancakes. Oh...and there was this one time at post-strike IHOP when my roommate Megan made me laugh and I consequently spewed hot coffee all over Johan. So, oops... 
10. Roommates. I never had to share a room growing up, nor did I ever have a sister, so learning to live with 50+ women was a definite adjustment. Still, it was a good thing. I had different roommate situations every year and they were all ultimately good. There are always struggles because everyone is different. Everyone I've lived with has taught me about myself and I've got some great memories of all of them. Having a roommate might be difficult, but I do believe it's always better that way. I'm so thankful for the experiences I've had with them.
    
    Freshman year with Erin Hudgens, imitating the theatre masks. Yes.
    
    
    The Lammy 303 crew, 2014: Alyssa, Megan, Captain Awesome, and Michelle.
    

As a Green Day fan, naturally "Good Riddance (the Time of Your Life)" has been playing in my head almost nonstop since wrapping up my college career. The repeated line goes: "It's something unpredictable, but in the end that's right. I hope you've had the time of your life." 

I have. I have indeed.